I recently saw a headline while procrastinating on my ever-growing to-do list:

Is “bisexual lighting” a new cinematic phenomenon?

Immediately— and without reading anything beyond the headline*— I had an answer… to a completely different question.

And that is: rice pudding is the most biracial of the desserts.

*Though I didn’t read the actual article, from my vast knowledge of street smarts, I believe “bisexual lighting” is when a character in film is bathed in hues of pink and magenta and blue and purple and is hinted at being bisexual. To answer the BBC article, likely written by an accredited— and at the very least researched— writer, I think no it’s not the new cinematic phenomenon. Claiming that it is could give the film chad’s just the pass they were looking for to say that’ve been including diverse characters in their stories the entire time and is the equivalent of J.K. Rowling saying Hermione could be Black. Sorry for the hot take.

I know what you’re thinking…

Do desserts even have a race?

You, thinking this.

And the answer is yes, everything has a race if you put your mind to it.

But for real, I’m in the midst of writing an animated children’s movie about anthropomorphic plants and everyone knows that anthropomorphic anything is always a metaphor for race.

Everyone. Knows. It.

For example: Cars. You’re telling me Mater doesn’t represent Southern hicks and isn’t supposed to be a metaphor for ill-conceived preconceptions we have about white trash? Or Arthur? You’re telling me Francine is just a monkey? Nah fam, that is Black monkey! (And there’s nothing wrong with that!) What about The Bad Guys? Does that not represent the individuals society deems as bad purely based on their species— OR SHALL I SAY RACE?!?!

So, you’re thinking, “ok, I guess you were right and I never should have doubted you but allow me to doubt you again, what does this have to do with sweet treats?” 

I’m so glad you asked.

A new trend has started in my cohort, or as they’ve coined it, a new “treat-dition” where we bring snacks in for all to enjoy when it’s our turn to workshop our piece for the semester. It all started when the cohort’s token Greek person brought in delicious, hand-crafted Baklava. This week, gooey butter cake. “A St. Louis delicacy,” we were told by the native Missourian. Well, it’s my turn next week and I was wracking my brain trying to think of a delectable goody to bring to my fellow constituents when it hit me: rice pudding.

It’s the perfect dessert for me. Not only does it represent my (adopted) Dutch family heritage but it also has rice in it which everyone knows is as Asian as it gets.

I can’t think of a dessert that carries more racially tumultuous undertones than grains of rice main rated in sugared cream nor can I think of anything more affirming to my identity. So, as I present pages of a script about a dandelion delivering seed to an Alaskan fjord (and no, that’s not a euphemism), I’ll find solace in knowing the pudding dish I brought to accompany it will be telling a story of it’s own.

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Lesson: Representation matters.