This week’s inspiration:
This absolutely terrifying ad I never watched but saw a still of (and that was all I needed to see):
In an attempt to right my TikTok algorithm, I went on a bit of a “liking-spree,” a “splendor bender” if you will. I tapped into my most basic instincts and went on a rampage of liking cute dog videos. Specifically Bassett hounds.
Why? Because I was tired of seeing videos of people acting out horrible experiences in the food industry or cancel culture or straight up ads all under the guise of “comedy sketches.” Somehow my feed always gets populated with this type of content, no matter how many times I try to “reset my algorithm” by liking as much content related to Twilight, Gilmore Girls, and Barbie as I can.
I mean, I guess it is my own doing. The code is only responding to my subconscious actions and reflecting it back to me. But I can’t help it if every time I see some sketch of a Karen or a pompous server or a shitty customer pop up while I scroll and I feel compelled to watch even though I know it’ll make me unhappy! I refuse to take accountability for it!
So, the latest topic I’ve been trying to waterboard into my algorithm is dogs. But not just any dogs. And not just pugs. (Though I do love them too.) But these floppy-eared fuckers with the droopy eyes and the saggy skin and the floopy feet! So cute!
And for a while, I had actually convinced myself that I wanted one.
Really.
For about a week, my heart was set on owning a Bassett hound even though I know I’m not a dog person. Or rather, it’s not that I’m not into dogs, but more so I am not into the responsibility and commitment that comes to dog-owning territory.
Think about it. With a cat, you don’t gotta walk them, you don’t have to play with them, and you don’t have to wash them regularly. I mean, sure, you don’t have to do that stuff with a dog either but I think it greatly affects their quality of life in a negative way if you don’t.
And for the record, I DO bathe my cat… every six months. And he hates it.
It’s true that with a cat you gotta live in the same room as their toilet and endure getting clawed and stanky fish breath, but it’s a price I’m willing to pay over having an animal so dependent on me like a dog is. Most of the time, my cat doesn’t even want to see my face. But a dog? As far as I’m concerned, I’m a dog’s whole world. And that’s too much pressure.
Plus, upon further research, it seems like Bassett hounds howl at the slightest provocation. A passing siren, an episode of The Masked Singer, heck, even a gust of wind. Anything sets these lumpy fuckers off. While I find the idea that this dog just has a song in his heart he has to let out sweet, I think I would also find it annoying. Especially since I often have a song in my own heart and much like Mercedes in Glee, I work solo.
Alas, the fantasy is over. I am back to reality. I will not be getting any sort of hound any time soon. For now, I’ll just worry over my cat’s lack of interest in sleeping on top of my face while I sleep like he usually does and wonder if it’s an indication of his health and if he’s going to die soon. I hope not.
Lesson: Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.
Take it With A Grain of Rice 