Unconditional love.

What is it? Why do we want it? How do we get it?

Recently, I watched August: Osage County for the first time. What a depressing fucking movie. I’ll be the first to admit that movies exploring parental mortality are an especially sensitive topic for me. This maybe one of my new favorite movies. I think what appealed to me so much was the shameless display of broken people and lack of resolution. Seriously. No one in that movie is happy in the end. Even the last scene, when Julia Roberts is driving away with a smile on her face that bitch ain’t pleased. Like, maybe she’s come to accept her position in the universe now but she’s not thinking “boy, I sure wouldn’t trade this weekend for anything in the world.” The woman ended her marriage and administered corporal punishment on her own child. Not great things in my opinion no matter how much closure you get in the end.

I even watched a movie called Happiness this semester that is supposed to be so renowned for its portrayal of broken people it’s been banned on all streaming services. The only way you can watch this thing is a bootleg copy from China or pay $35 for it on Amazon! (When was the last time you spent $35 on a singular piece of screen entertainment? This isn’t the 90s! Blockbuster is dead!) But this movie pales in comparison to when I watch a strung out Meryl Streep nestle her balding head into the bosom of her BIPOC housekeeper! (I’m still processing the ethics of that one.)

A friend of mine brought up the topic of “thought terminating cliches.” These are phrases like “everything happens for a reason” or “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” or “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” One of my personal favorites is “nothing changes if nothing changes.” These are all adages to get people to stop question the meaning of events that happen to them. They encourage us to accept things the way they are without question.

Now I can see the benefits and disadvantages to this. On the one hand, some people need to take a fucking chill pill and stop thinking that the world is against them. Stop trying to derive meaning as to why the server at the restaurant set your friends plate of food down first instead of you’re even thought you were closer and ordered a smaller dish.

On the other hand, these phrases encourage complacency and are meant to keep the little man down! That’s right. It’s all societies fault. We’re just cogs in the machine and we gotta rise up and eat the rich.

This long disjointed rambling is all to say I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection and boundary setting. I hate to sound like a white woman manifesting good vibes and all that shit but it’s true I’m setting this boundaries and Marie Kondo-ing my whole shit. Is it because I want to? Maybe. But most likely it’s cause life out here testing my limits and making me cry.

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Lesson: The limit does, in fact, exist.