shortasianman

Too cool for school

Thank you to the anonymous person who commented this and inspired me to think of a better title. And by “inspireD” I mean straight up steal for myself.

If I may misquote Lizzo:

I put my gloves on,
Zip my coat,
Baby, how you feelin’?
Feelin’ cold as hell!

Good As Hell, Lizzo, misquoted.

I have survived the first week of Iowa winter and I already want to give up.

And to think, it was merely a week ago that I was basking in the swampy (but warm!) humidity of New Orleans.

Me, doing an interpretive dance to show my appreciation to the sun gods. Obviously, they took it as offensive and have chosen to retaliate by making Iowa extra cold on my first night back.

Other ways to take advantage of warm weather in NOLA:

Utilize the lighting for photo shoots

We call ourselves the Homeless Kids. It’s ironic, trust me.

We figured since the all-Korean boy band BTS has been such a hit, the people are ready for the Chinese adoptee invasion. (Ignore the white woman on the far-right, she’s our manager.)

Sit inside and eat beignets while thinking about how nice it is outside

It’s called multi-tasking.

Go to a bowling alley/zydeco hot-spot, get sweaty, and walk outside to enjoy the cool yet refreshing evening air

Yes, we are making a middle-finger circle.

I later learned that this establishment is known to support pro-confederacy rallies. I would like to go on the record and say that I do not support those choices, but I would also like the record to reflect that the performers, who I assume are not affiliated with the owner’s choice in who they partner with, were damn fine.

And, of course, because the Asian Mafia had reunited after many years it called for celebratory bubble tea!

Now, I have returned to the cornfields. The nearest bubble tea shop is a 30-minute car ride away. And while it is humid here, the night air is not refreshing. It just makes my nose hair freeze so when I breathe in it feels like brugs are crawling up my nostrils. (Ew.) But hey, at least they have sushi.

Lesson: The school sent out an email this weekend letting us know that a fellow student was assaulted in their own home. Some vagrants knocked on the door, peppered-sprayed the fool, stole all the goods in the house, and fled the scene. The holidays are over people, stop answering the door to strangers! Chances are they aren’t carolers coming to spread New Years cheer.

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